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Really enjoyed this and very relatable as well. To be an American living permanently in Europe, you have to reframe your mindset. My dad recently came to visit me in France from the US and spent three weeks alternating between comments about how much he loved the view, public transportation, way of life etc. and how uncomfortable it is to not have AC, clothes dryers, stores that stay open late, big houses… you can like the idea of Europe but you’ll never survive here if you think you’ll continue your American lifestyle just with a few perks

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I agree with you about mindset. That is definitely the sticking point. Also, I feel like I know your dad. When I moved to Budapest in the early '90s, my mom showed up with a suitcase full of toilet paper. How she thought I had been living, I will never know. I couldn't stop laughing long enough to ask. Thank you for reading!

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Sep 5Liked by Laura Skov

Being an expat is much easier if you start with a mindset of humility, empathy and openness. For example, assuming that you ought to learn the local language to a reasonable degree of competence, and starting before you arrive, goes a long long way.

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Agree. I think it's tough for the corporate and diplomatic folks, because they get sent here and there, often with little or no warning. And being a trailing spouse is its own, unique problem. But for the rest of us, I think behaving like the guests that we are is the way forward.

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It’s like going off to college/university. I went to big, “faceless” Berkeley and I thrived and loved it; but it wasn’t right for some other people who weren’t able to make their way on their own. Similarly, I have had no problem building a wonderful life in Paris, but others lack the preparation, flexibility, and/or interests to appreciate what is here.

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Interesting. I think once you settle the logistics, which does foil many people, expatting takes a certain personality. I've always moved around a lot and never really questioned it until I had a big birthday this year. Then my thoughts turned to my college roommate, who will die in the town she was born in and knows everyone and their mother. That life has a profound beauty, as well. She would wither from the lack of entrenched community in my life and I would die of boredom in hers. Tell me about Paris! And thanks for reading.

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

Finally its a funny continent, salaries are much lower; taxes much higher but medical bills won’t bankrupt you. Just got an operation with state of the art operation theater and team (4 of them incl a fully qualified doc) for USD 30

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

We Americans have trouble wrapping our heads around the Scandinavian tradeoff: on one hand, crucial social needs like education childcare and medicine are very cheap, on the other, after-tax professional salaries don’t buy American-style abundance. US progressives see only the first, conservatives see only the second; but when they live there, they are either pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised by the part of the equation they hadn’t reckoned on.

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This is such an interesting point about what progressives v. conservatives see. I think I will steal it! Thanks for reading!

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

Plus the red tape!

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That is very hard for an American to imagine. That’s $7.50 per doctor! It’s the way it should be, though. Hope all goes well with your recovery.

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

Sweden is a tricky one. Nr 1 - abosluetly most important -get a personr (social securrity number) without it you don’t really exist. You need it also when you want to open a bank account, get a mobile phone subscription or anything basically, Nr 2 learn the languge at least to a conversation level, biz can be done in English - that by the way is true for anywhere in Europe xpt, UK, Ireland, Malta and Cyprus. Nr 3 in all of Europe there is shortage of housing in the cities. In Sweden buy it. Its easy - no notary and a 3 page purchase agreement and basically the bank buys it anyway. Since there is ashortage its easy to sell normally with a profit

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All good advice. The trouble non-EU expat/immigrants are facing begins with the residence permit and visa. It’s getting harder by the hour to get one and of course there’s no hope of a personnummer etc. without that. The whole of the EU is slamming its doors shut.

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

Sadly true on both sides of the Atlantic

Seems all these changes and disasters got a bit for the electorate and the politicians think the have to draw the bridges up. Ironic part is Europe all of it needs desperately immigration but its not adressed by the govts at all

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This used to be one thing the U.S. did right. No more, alas.

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Very well said, especially the part about tackling simple-but-difficult challenges in a new culture. I moved to the Netherlands from the US five years ago and am in the process of becoming a citizen and every American who visits me here, or who I talk to on the street (I sometimes strike up conversations with tourists to hear their thoughts about this place and how they’re experiencing it), thinks they are going to buy an abandoned house for $1 in Italy and retire there. They have no idea how naive they sound. Moving to Europe is not easy to make happen and not easy to make work. I don’t think they understand the physical and cultural distance they’ll experience by being away from their loved ones, and I don’t think they really understand the conveniences they will have to give up. But I want them to do it anyway, and I hope some of them actually will act on those adventurous thoughts, even though I don’t think any of them actually will.

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And thanks for reading!

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I used to talk about the $1 house in Italy and I’d been an expat before! Some people never learn, I guess. I think part of the issue is that there are so many structures supporting us in our American lives (from the kind neighbor to the Costco membership) and the longer they’ve been there, the less we can see them. When you move, they are all gone. There are new structures in the new place, but it takes time to see them, too.

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Sep 16·edited Sep 16Liked by Laura Skov

You see the same issue when Americans move to Japan.

To visitors, it looks like a near-perfect modern society. It's clean and safe, there's always public transportation, people are polite and helpful, and these days it's not particularly expensive. There's a reverse culture shock when you return from Japan to an American city with aging infrastructure, poor customer service, and graffiti and tent encampments along the highway.

But if you talk to Americans who have lived in Japan, or Japanese people who have chosen to live in the United States, you'll often hear a different story. Japan is orderly in part because it's a society with rigid rules and social expectations. You often get the sense there that you're doing something wrong. While Japanese people are polite, they can also be distant and shy. People work long hours to afford tiny living spaces with long commutes. It can be hard to be non-Japanese, or a woman, or overweight, or gay, or a non-drinker. Dating is tough and birth rates are low; some smaller cities look like ghost towns. A shocking number of people still smoke. The big Japanese cities are surrounded by dense, undifferentiated urban sprawl as far as the eye can see. Japanese summers are oppressively humid, and there's limited AC due to sky-high energy costs. Parts of rural Japan are just as ugly as any town on the outskirts of Dallas, dominated by big box stores, fast food joints, and car dealerships.

This is not to say that Japan is actually bad! It's a wonderful country in many ways, and I've known Americans who have loved living there (especially people who work for the US government or a US corporation, who get to experience the best of both worlds). It's probably my favorite country in the world to visit, and I'd jump at the opportunity to live there for a year or two. It has some advantages over the United States, including the absence of firearms and crime. I'd much rather live in an affluent, mid-sized Japanese city like Sapporo or Fukuoka than most places in the United States.

But it's definitely not paradise. Nowhere is paradise. Yes, the US is messier and more violent than Japan, but Americans are also more relaxed and open. Americans also work very long hours by global standards, but we make much more money (US per capita GDP is more than double Japan's), and our white-collar jobs tend to be more flexible with better benefits. And the US is generally an easier place to be a visible minority or immigrant, at least if you live in a city.

The pros and cons of Japan are different than those of Sweden or other European countries, but the principle is the same. There's nowhere on earth—even Canada!—that has all the best features of the United States but none of our pathologies.

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Agreed. Japan seems to be in its own class as an expat destination. It’s like nowhere else! I’ve been as a tourist and was dazzled. I guess that’s how it starts! Thank you for this thoughtful response.

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Love this point of view. I would never have moved part-time to Croatia if my husband wasn’t Croatian and I wasn’t self-employed as a freelance copywriter. It’s a lot to adjust to, always being the outsider.

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Yes. And for some, it gets harder as time goes on, after the puppy love phase ends and reality sets in. I remember at first in Sweden, I was walking around in a daze, admiring the design of every water glass. Now I’m cursing at the tax agency like everyone else…

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

That Powell essay honestly drove me a little mad. Americans with privilege (and money to buy property) sometimes seem to think the only possible solution to the way things are here is to leave, instead of staying and, you know, working to change things.

I was just talking to a friend, a Tamil woman who immigrated to the US with her family as a child. The change was massive, but she *loves* it here, to the point of being unwilling to hear certain criticisms of the country. She works with German women who moved here for college and stayed. They complain about the lack of universal healthcare, said my friend, "but they don't go back; if things are so much better in Germany, why do they stay here?"

I'm guessing it's because they experience a certain kind of freedom here that they don't get in Germany, and for that is worth staying. The expat love/hate experience seems common.

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It's such a complicated question. There's nowhere like the U.S. and Americans have a special energy. I love it, but I also thought my family would have a better life in Sweden. My mom (and others) urged me to stay and fight for change, but I didn't see how I could work full time, raise the kids and also fight that kind of fight. Curious to see how Italy works out for Kristen Powers!

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This was an interesting article! Having such returned from Sweden for a work trip (I an from South Africa) my experience is that Sweden is one of the most privileged countries I've been to (comparatively with how things operate here). But understandably that might exclude expats until they crack into the social system. Being an expat is very hard no matter where you end up. My sister could have written the same post about life in Netherlands as an expat. It's a very tough move! (But as you say can be incredible transformation as it has for my sister)

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I hope you enjoyed your time here. Coming for summer was the right choice! You would have seen a different side of us during winter, when we are depressed and rarely sober. It's funny but more and more South Africans have been showing up here as expats, so frustrated with the power outages and corruption and incompetence. They don't understand the ice at all... I hope that things get better there for everyone. Meanwhile, if you come back, give me a shout. And thanks for reading!

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Will definitely do so! And yes the winters sound scary. I would say us South Africans are a lot more privileged in terms of the weather 🤣

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Definitely! And one of my friends had a house with a pool on a cliff with an outdoor kitchen and a view of the bay and wine costs almost nothing … it sounds pretty heavenly!

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It is... I wouldn't live anywhere else in the world !! despite the challenges 🧡🍷

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Sep 4Liked by Laura Skov

seems that all countries have not the same difficulties for expats.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1f81iqz/from_friends_to_friendliness_where_its_easy_to/#lightbox

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Yes. Huge variances. Although I wonder if Spain and Portugal are still as welcoming as the map suggests.

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Portugal is becoming less so by the year. For some reason it’s still being sold to Americans as an inexpensive paradise with great healthcare. It makes me wonder who’s profiting from selling this very inaccurate picture (other than YouTubers with monetized channels). We’re leaving Portugal for Spain next year in the hope of finding [at least slightly] better housing and [at least slightly] better healthcare…but anywhere you go, it’s a huge adjustment and you have to be so careful in your expectations. A lesson most of us have to learn the hard way. 🙋🏻‍♀️

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Interesting. Good luck in Spain. We're trying to figure out where to go for winter when our youngest leaves home. It's hard to game out because the scene changes so quickly!

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Jesus Christ, if i read one more comment about bloody clothes dryers ill lose it. Dont you Americans have nothing else to complain about? Just to be clear on majority of these small-stakes complaints:

- we dont have AC in many countries in Europe because most of Europe is more north than all of US and until climate change it mostly wasnt needed

- we can buy a clothes dryer but majority of us either do it outside or buy a clothes rack. Its not rocket science, deal with it.

- our countries and cities are generally smaller and older than yours and often packed closer together. You like tight streets lined w trees and cafes? Then deal with your 70m2 apartment.

- our bars dont offer free water or ice in water. Your cities have crime rates 5x higher. Tell me whats more problematic.

Basically, different countries have different pros/cons, deal with it.

Also, Europe is not a country, what goes for Sweden doesnt go for Italy.

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You write about your friend and his spouse that "they were not naive..." but rest of your essays is mostly about how horribly ignorant "Jeff" was of the nature of regulations that govern daily life. Moving abroad is an major life's decision and it seems your friend set himself up by failing to do some basic desk research--information is available about these primarily administrative matters from official and private sources alike. And as for the cultural issues--to be taken by surprise that employers expect basic language skills in a national language is astonishing. Is what you describe as result of American hubris?

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I wouldnt say so, no. There is such a thing as American hubris, as we all know. But there are also complicated realities on the ground that can change quickly. For instance, if Jeff had come here even five years ago, he probably could have fairly easily gotten a job with just English. All Swedes speak it. But the Swedes are sick of us now and the market is well saturated. And I myself didn’t know about the one-year rental cap when I came, even though I was married to a Swede. There’s always going to be something.

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Expat life does have its moments. We always say 'the rules' in Mexico are a moving target. So often being an expat is a love-hate relationship w/your adopted land—all depending on how well the last week or month has gone. Sweden sounds particularly tough. We built a house on the Caribbean coast but it was on our 3rd try at buying property (the first taken by eminent domain by the govt to build—supposedly–a new ferry dock), the 2nd w/ the developer-contractor having trouble getting cash for land developments infrastructure (he reimbursed us to his credit), and finally Bingo on lot #3, but that was some other expat's nightmare—they'd just purchased a $250k USD house on the beach and along came Hurricane Gilberto that wiped out our pueblo plus their house--oh, and they hadn't purchased insurance. It all does make for good writing (both memoirs and fiction, I've done both, there's lots to write about) but it is a balancing act. There is a huge US dash out the door post pandemic, and I was beginning to wonder if the gild was yet off the lily. Yes, on foreign soil when one's homeland's in the rearview mirror, shit does get real. Great post btw. Kudos.

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Wow! You were third time lucky, I guess, but it sounds like you went through quite the ordeal! I think living overseas is never what you think it's going to be, but then, what is? As Jeff said, "Maybe God's just not that into me..." Onward! And thanks for reading.

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I guess so. Plus this all occurred over a 4-5 year timeframe—with the land buy. Take care!!

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