Hah! Here in Portugal I can't imagine any purpose for a Costco to exist for the same reasons you mentioned in Sweden... no where to store bulk items! Our refrigerators here are typically very small, and closets, as we knew them in the U.S., non-existant (we have built-in or standalone wardrobes). I have seen that there's a Costco in Spain, so if I ever happen to be in whichever city it's in, I could see visiting out of sheer curiosity and for nostalgia's sake.
It's rather difficult to make friends with (straight) Portuguese folks here for much the same reasons you mentioned, but as we are queer Americans (our biggest reason for fleeing the U.S.) we have found a very supportive and close-knit community of other queer folks who have moved here from all over the world. I have queer friends here from Poland, Brazil, Romania, the U.S., France, Ireland, and Portugal, too (LGBTQ Portuguese folx seem more open to making friends), as well as acquaintances from several other countries.
I wrote a piece here last year in which I also noted the difficulty in getting a grip on just how many of us have left the U.S. since there's no official tracking, but I cited an Economist article within mine that gave some estimates, including that as of 2020, around 10 million Americans were living abroad, with those numbers sharply increasing in the years since.
Interesting. Some Americans really just cannot let go of the big box mentality. It's a central element of cultural identity. For me, no biggie. I'm content with my grocery cart. I'm so happy to hear you've found a thriving community in Portugal. I think that's what everyone wants, but in the U.S. at least, we don't seem to know how to get there. Thanks for the source -- I spent a lot of time trying to find stats, so I'll take a look.
Yeah, I genuinely love that I can take my little rolling canvas cart, walk 5 minutes around the corner to a small-chain grocer, a butcher, a bakery, and a fresh fruit & veg market, and get all the food items I need. There are certain foods at Costco or America in general that I miss sometimes, but the shopping experience itself usually gave me anxiety.
My friendships in Portugal have been much deeper and more fulfilling than those I managed to have in the U.S., and here its been easier to actually have time for those friends.
I love to hear that! May I ask how Americans are perceived there? It seemed for a couple years that everyone and their mother was moving to Lisbon and then there was a pretty robust counterreaction because of the tight housing market. Is that the case? Is is true across Portugal? Also, where did you end up? Are you in a big city?
We're close to Porto, in Vila Nova de Gaia across the river. People have treated us very well and have been incredibly welcoming, though at first most couldn't understand why we would want to leave the U.S. for Portugal. They had an unrealistic vision of the U.S. based on what comes out of Hollywood. Many expressed fear of ever visiting the U.S. because of the gun violence, which is another perception about America that makes it's way into popular knowledge here. As time has gone on, we've noticed that more people are hearing about the actual situation of the U.S. currently, and so it makes more sense to people we encounter now.
Overall, the people rightfully take our their frustration over the housing crisis against the government and landlords, not immigrants, though there have been some isolated incidents of far right violence directed at immigrants that come from South Asia, Africa, or the Middle East. Those incidents have been followed up with beautiful displays of solidarity from the community. We feel incredibly safe here.
I think, to some extent, every immigrant settling down in the US also feels the same way. I have lived here for more than half my life. I became a citizen in 2010. But I am still trying to figure out what it means to be an American.
I feel it is much more than being able to go to Costco!
Hi Naveen. I'm trying to figure out the same thing! It's more than shopping, although we do like to shop... I grew up believing that we were the good guys, generous, tolerant and eager to use our privilege to benefit others. Then came MAGA and everyone's cultural identity took a hit. If MAGA is what we are, then maybe we should instead focus on what we could be? Thank you for reading!
I think everyone has a different idea of what it means to be an American. I am very interested in exploring this. I have subscribed to your newsletter. I look forward to reading your posts.
This feels very similar to my experience as an American in Amsterdam. Especially the (not) making Swedish (Dutch) friends part. I like your invocation of an American Diaspora, and wonder why in over a decade of living abroad I’ve never once heard or even thought that expression. I suspect it’s partially to do with the fact that it feels somehow like cheating to use a word usually reserved for people from less privileged places. But then again, it was leaving the U.S. that enabled us to buy a house, afford good health insurance, and find a sense of financial security. To some extent, I’ve also done a lot of running away from my American identity, not only physically, but psychologically. In any case, thanks for bringing this up, because it has given me some food for thought.
Thanks for reading and your thoughtful comment. I've been seeing the term pop up here and there with respect to Americans, but it’s by no means commonplace. I think it’s a hard idea for us to take in! I call myself an ex-American because that's the only description that felt true to me. I can leave the U.S. (and did), but I'll never not be American!
Laura, I love your writing. And, you have THE best moniker for T. I laugh out loud every time I read it.
What a great subject you're on to: exile. I feel that and I'M STILL HERE. And that's a wildly disorienting feeling. I can't even imagine what it's like to be in another country and feel that. Which is why I'll continue reading.
Thank you for your comment. It's so encouraging and I'm just starting out, so very much appreciated. It's interesting to me that you say you feel in exile in your own country. I know what you mean. It sort of transmuted into something unrecognizable very quickly.
I think you have tapped into a rich vein. I think the feeling of being "American" as something positive and the disconnect with the "America" which we see now is felt in many places.
Feeling all this! There's no Costco near me (Madrid and Valencia have one)
Over 28 years in Europe I've learned to live without American foodstuffs, but I admit to supreme excitement when my nephew brought a pack of cheese powder... mac 'n cheese without the mac.
Yes. It's a high like no other. I remember gleefully driving away from Costco in the U.S. with my trunk stuffed, on top of the world. I don't know why; it isn't like I didn't have to pay for it. It must be something biochemical about plenty or something...
Hah! Here in Portugal I can't imagine any purpose for a Costco to exist for the same reasons you mentioned in Sweden... no where to store bulk items! Our refrigerators here are typically very small, and closets, as we knew them in the U.S., non-existant (we have built-in or standalone wardrobes). I have seen that there's a Costco in Spain, so if I ever happen to be in whichever city it's in, I could see visiting out of sheer curiosity and for nostalgia's sake.
It's rather difficult to make friends with (straight) Portuguese folks here for much the same reasons you mentioned, but as we are queer Americans (our biggest reason for fleeing the U.S.) we have found a very supportive and close-knit community of other queer folks who have moved here from all over the world. I have queer friends here from Poland, Brazil, Romania, the U.S., France, Ireland, and Portugal, too (LGBTQ Portuguese folx seem more open to making friends), as well as acquaintances from several other countries.
I wrote a piece here last year in which I also noted the difficulty in getting a grip on just how many of us have left the U.S. since there's no official tracking, but I cited an Economist article within mine that gave some estimates, including that as of 2020, around 10 million Americans were living abroad, with those numbers sharply increasing in the years since.
https://open.substack.com/pub/jdgoulet/p/the-american-diaspora?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=10bxpq
Interesting. Some Americans really just cannot let go of the big box mentality. It's a central element of cultural identity. For me, no biggie. I'm content with my grocery cart. I'm so happy to hear you've found a thriving community in Portugal. I think that's what everyone wants, but in the U.S. at least, we don't seem to know how to get there. Thanks for the source -- I spent a lot of time trying to find stats, so I'll take a look.
Yeah, I genuinely love that I can take my little rolling canvas cart, walk 5 minutes around the corner to a small-chain grocer, a butcher, a bakery, and a fresh fruit & veg market, and get all the food items I need. There are certain foods at Costco or America in general that I miss sometimes, but the shopping experience itself usually gave me anxiety.
My friendships in Portugal have been much deeper and more fulfilling than those I managed to have in the U.S., and here its been easier to actually have time for those friends.
I love to hear that! May I ask how Americans are perceived there? It seemed for a couple years that everyone and their mother was moving to Lisbon and then there was a pretty robust counterreaction because of the tight housing market. Is that the case? Is is true across Portugal? Also, where did you end up? Are you in a big city?
We're close to Porto, in Vila Nova de Gaia across the river. People have treated us very well and have been incredibly welcoming, though at first most couldn't understand why we would want to leave the U.S. for Portugal. They had an unrealistic vision of the U.S. based on what comes out of Hollywood. Many expressed fear of ever visiting the U.S. because of the gun violence, which is another perception about America that makes it's way into popular knowledge here. As time has gone on, we've noticed that more people are hearing about the actual situation of the U.S. currently, and so it makes more sense to people we encounter now.
Overall, the people rightfully take our their frustration over the housing crisis against the government and landlords, not immigrants, though there have been some isolated incidents of far right violence directed at immigrants that come from South Asia, Africa, or the Middle East. Those incidents have been followed up with beautiful displays of solidarity from the community. We feel incredibly safe here.
Interesting perspective Laura!
I think, to some extent, every immigrant settling down in the US also feels the same way. I have lived here for more than half my life. I became a citizen in 2010. But I am still trying to figure out what it means to be an American.
I feel it is much more than being able to go to Costco!
Hi Naveen. I'm trying to figure out the same thing! It's more than shopping, although we do like to shop... I grew up believing that we were the good guys, generous, tolerant and eager to use our privilege to benefit others. Then came MAGA and everyone's cultural identity took a hit. If MAGA is what we are, then maybe we should instead focus on what we could be? Thank you for reading!
I think everyone has a different idea of what it means to be an American. I am very interested in exploring this. I have subscribed to your newsletter. I look forward to reading your posts.
Well said! ❤️
Thank you, Lori!
Wonderful honest insightful piece.
Thank you so much, Valentina!
This feels very similar to my experience as an American in Amsterdam. Especially the (not) making Swedish (Dutch) friends part. I like your invocation of an American Diaspora, and wonder why in over a decade of living abroad I’ve never once heard or even thought that expression. I suspect it’s partially to do with the fact that it feels somehow like cheating to use a word usually reserved for people from less privileged places. But then again, it was leaving the U.S. that enabled us to buy a house, afford good health insurance, and find a sense of financial security. To some extent, I’ve also done a lot of running away from my American identity, not only physically, but psychologically. In any case, thanks for bringing this up, because it has given me some food for thought.
Thanks for reading and your thoughtful comment. I've been seeing the term pop up here and there with respect to Americans, but it’s by no means commonplace. I think it’s a hard idea for us to take in! I call myself an ex-American because that's the only description that felt true to me. I can leave the U.S. (and did), but I'll never not be American!
Laura, I love your writing. And, you have THE best moniker for T. I laugh out loud every time I read it.
What a great subject you're on to: exile. I feel that and I'M STILL HERE. And that's a wildly disorienting feeling. I can't even imagine what it's like to be in another country and feel that. Which is why I'll continue reading.
Thank you for your comment. It's so encouraging and I'm just starting out, so very much appreciated. It's interesting to me that you say you feel in exile in your own country. I know what you mean. It sort of transmuted into something unrecognizable very quickly.
I think you have tapped into a rich vein. I think the feeling of being "American" as something positive and the disconnect with the "America" which we see now is felt in many places.
Feeling all this! There's no Costco near me (Madrid and Valencia have one)
Over 28 years in Europe I've learned to live without American foodstuffs, but I admit to supreme excitement when my nephew brought a pack of cheese powder... mac 'n cheese without the mac.
Yes. It's a high like no other. I remember gleefully driving away from Costco in the U.S. with my trunk stuffed, on top of the world. I don't know why; it isn't like I didn't have to pay for it. It must be something biochemical about plenty or something...